If we’re unlucky enough, we could run into those who wish to harm us to profit or gain from us. However, this pales in comparison to the egregious misfortune of running into individuals who harm us in this way while simultaneously claiming to love us and being very good at making it appear as though they don’t want to cause us pain. People who act like an emotional con artist, appearing friendly while secretly deeply plotting our emotional downfall.
Not only will these individuals harm us, but they’ll also do something far worse. They will steal our sense of self-esteem, undermine our foundational trust, and temporarily send us insane along the road.
And worse, even if we are adept at combating known enemies, many of us inherently unable to recognize evil from those who have infiltrated our spheres. At work, we can anticipate adversaries and can handle them. However, it’s a different case in the bedroom because we are vulnerable enough to let our defenses down. Our love for them clouds the apparent logic we should hold on to.
So what could be responsible for this sort of behavior? Again, some of the reasons stem from childhood. Some of these people have been severely harmed since infancy. Because of this, they are dedicated to exacting vengeance on anyone who gets too close to them.
It can be that they are partially trying to express a fit of repressed anger against a parent who is deceased or sad about their relationship. Or they desire to avenge a bullied sibling or free themselves from an unbearable vulnerability brought on by an early abuse experience.
For those of us in love, we have two explanations we can fall back on. The first is because we always doubt ourselves. The second and obvious one is to admit the insanity of our partner. However, we oddly find comfort and reassurance in the former and we choose not to take our side. Because of this, we conclude we may just be overreacting or complaining for no reason rather than just admitting the individual we love is, in fact, flawed or sick. Sadly, This is what gaslighting in love exactly is.
Thankfully, there’s a way. Despite years of gaslighting, vulnerability, and uncertainty, we can luckily find a path out when we take an extraordinary action. We need to believe what our dissatisfaction is trying to teach us about the people we consider to be excellent. The key is how at peace they make us feel, not whether they tell us they love us.
We also have to acknowledge the existence of some really dangerous individuals who, to our untrained eyes, appear to be quite safe. We need to have more compassion for ourselves when we don’t recognize their evils. And we understand when it would be far worse if we were completely oblivious of their existence.
What do you think? Have you had any encounter with someone of such intentions? Feel free to drop your comment.
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