Love languages like quality time and words of affirmation usually have definitive and clear meanings to people in relationships or friendships. However, when it comes to love languages like gifting gifts and spending quality time, things often get messy. Many a times, there are internet arguments and controversies on how to express love in friendships and relationships in these forms. At other times, many are not satisfied with the way these love languages are expressed to them.
Why has giving gifts become this complicated on the internet? When it comes to gifting, what should be the goal? Who should care about what gifts are given? The giver or the receiver? Does it matter what is given and the manner of gifting?
The first question to ask is that how do people view gifting generally?
How Do People View Gifting?
Different people view the art of gifting differently depending on their circumstances and backgrounds. For others, their friendships and relationships have shaped the way they view gifting. We are all a sum of our experiences, and there is no truer application of those words than in gifting. What are some of these opinions on gifting?
“Unless you love people in their love language, you are not the best friend or partner”.
“Your friend or partner will feel let down if you give gifts they don’t like. In fact, you have just wasted your time and theirs”
“It doesn’t really matter what you are gifted, it’s the thought and effort that matters. Being thoughtful is all that matters”
“The idea of getting exactly what you want as a gift is all in your head. It’s delusion, this is not K-drama, nor is this fantasy”
The Art Of Gifting – How It Should Be
When we see some of these opinions on the internet, we either scowl in disapproval or go into liking and retweeting mode. Depending on what side of the coin we prefer to toss, we start to defend our opinions, sometimes, even trolling others. Without leaving our heads in the cloud, what should the art of gifting be like realistically?
On Losing the Art of Gifting. When many of us were much younger, we saw how our parents gifted. When they had friends that got married, they got them thoughtful presents. They received and gifted household items like cups, plates, mugs, gas cookers, blenders. Our parents gave these things because they knew that the receiver needed them, not because they wanted to win points or brag on social media. They put the love they had for the receiver into gifting, and the receiver felt the love.
Some of our parents used these things for years and kept them like the apple of their eyes. in fact, if some of us look enough, we would see that our parents still have some of these gifts. We learn a vital lesson from the way our parents gifted. Their gifts were thoughtful, not elaborate. They were simple, even if they were not the most impressive.
On Visiting Others empty-handed. Many do not know an important fact, or maybe they have chosen to ignore this fact over time. It is courteous to bring gifts to someone’s house when you go visit them. Is there a hard or fast rule as to the kind of gifts to take to a friend’s or acquaintance? All that you need to do is to think of the occasion or reason for visit and take something that matches the reason.
Visiting because it’s a houseparty? Take a drink or drinks, take cake, take household items. Take things that will make the party fun. Visiting because a friend has given birth to a child? Buy baby things, anything that can ease the friend of stress. Without putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, thinking of the most important things a person needs will give you the answer you need.
On Being Observant. As a good friend or partner that has mastered the art of effective communication, it will not be out of place to say that you should know what your friend or partner likes. This is because sometimes, these things come out. Your friend raving about something all the time is probably because that thing matters to the friend. If your partner randomly mentions a number of times that he or she really likes something, that is to say such a thing matters to him or her.
What if you never really understand what your friend or people in your circle or corner like? Is that an excuse to get them nothing on occasions that call for it or never gift them once in a while? Of course not. There is a reason why asking questions exist as a concept. You can ask direct questions so that it becomes clear to you what matters to the other person. You can also ask subtle questions in the conversations you have to get to know what your friend likes. All that matters in the end is the way your friend or partner’s eyes will lit up when you get a gift for him or her.
On Gifting Without Being Sure What to Give: There is no doubt about it that no matter how you try sometimes, you may find it difficult to figure out what is important to the other person. This is where general gift items comes in. There are some items that can never go wrong. These items are:
- Fragrances(be it perfumes or deodorants or diffusers or fresheners).
- Flowers (you don’t have to break a bank or buy a bouquet to prove a point)
- Jewelry
- Chocolates(for someone with a sweet mouth)
- Food(you can almost never go wrong with food)
- Frames(for people that will not cuss you out for buying them frames),
- Cards with thoughtful messages or beautiful words
- Branded items (gifting branded items show that you are actively thinking of the person and care enough to personalize the gift).
- Money(practically no one will reject money in the present economy. There is a lot money can do now, be it buying fuel or paying high transport fares.
On Being Selfless and Considerate: This is for receivers. Without thinking of the effort it takes for a gifter to think of getting gifts, many recipients of gifts have acted selfishly because the gifts they have gotten is not the best or because it doesn’t measure up to the standards people have set. Many forget that no matter how small a gift is, a lot of effort and thought must have gone into it.
Rather than act like you are not human and disrespectfully talk down on the gift you are given, you should do better. True, it is not wrong to want to be gifted exactly what you want, but whenever you get something, rather than lambast your gift or gifter, think deeply about what you can use it for. If you cannot think of anything at all, regift your gift. Another person will appreciate it and accept your gift with open arms. While regifting though, be careful not to hurt the other’s feelings.
The Art Of Gifting
As individuals, we have lost what the art of gifting should be. We have failed to keep in mind that thoughtfulness is the most important factor in gifting. Once we start becoming intentional in our attempt at gifting, we will see that we are giving what truly matters to the other person. It is also important that we never forget that gifts do not have to “make lots of noise”. As long as it is something that the other will need, it shouldn’t really matter how small it is.
In addition, the world does not work the way it runs in our head most of the time. The world also does not operate the way people on the internet claim it does through their tweets and comments. Gifts mean more to people than we think. And people appreciate our gifts more than we think they do.
If you are a friend or partner that desires to be gifted something in particular, it is not bizarre to talk about it or hint it in your conversation with your friend or partner. If they are attentive enough to get your point, it’s all well and good.
Conclusion
Our care for others should be obvious in the little things we do, and the gifts we give should reflect the love we claim to have for them.
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