“Never say never. Never believe it cannot be you, because you will be shocked at the way it will be you”.
Juliet never thought a day would come when she would never stop thinking about these words of who used to be her favorite person in the world, her mum.
Before she got raped four months ago, she never would have imagined that a time would come when her mum would not be in her space. For eighteen years of her life, she had been her mum’s doll. Like a mannequin that displays beautiful designs, her mum had seized every chance to show her to the world. Her mum never needed to carry a megaphone for others to know that Juliet was her mum’s greatest investment. Like an investor-investee relationship, her mum expected returns. And returns she got.
Before she could take her first steps, her mum had expectations. Some of the plans her mum had for her were learning to speak foreign languages, play the piano, swim, be an Olympiad winner, and study a professional course. All her mum expected was a yes to her plans, for her to ease into these responsibilities. As Juliet had no one but her mum, there was no reason to second-think anything. Juliet won medals and trophies and was always her mum’s trophy.
For the longest time, it was Juliet and her mum against the world. Until Juliet’s 16th birthday, the day her life took a detour and turned 180 degrees. That fateful day Juliet was left alone to face the world. Coming back from school on that day, bubbly and excited for the “surprise party” her mum would be having for her 16th, Juliet would never have expected that September 3rd would be the start of many downs in her life.
As soon as she entered the living room, something felt eerie. Immediately, it started to worry her that she could not put a finger to the cause of her fear.
“The silence is deafening, the whole environment is serene, too serene. Where is Mum? Did she not promise to come home early today?” Juliet thought. Their home had never been a noisy one as it was just her and her mum in the house. However, she felt that something was not right somewhere. Worse, she had always been sure about these things, so she knew she was right about her feelings. For the first time, she hoped and begged that her gut was wrong.
Entering the dining room, things were as tidy as always, nothing giving anything away. The sight she beheld next was something that would remain evergreen in her heart, something that she would not forget in a jiffy. The first thing she noticed was her mum lying lifeless. Her smile gone from her lips, her light dimmed. “What does this mean? What does this mean for me?” “What is going on?” “Why is mum here like this, devoid of energy? With shaky hands and trembling lips from shedding tears, she grabbed her phone and tried calling someone? Who would she call? The police? Her mum’s best friend?
Her birthday marked the beginning of betrayals from everyone she and her mum loved and held dear, the start of whys. It’s been two years since her mum died a cruel death. Despite the series of investigations and questionings, the questions that keep her awake at night remain unanswered. Three years ago, she would have sworn that she’d be living her best life at the age of eighteen in a country abroad, after convincing her mum that she needs to take a gap year. But here she is, with an unwanted baby, a product of rape in her search for an abode after being stripped of everything she has always known, a child that will be born without a fatherly identity, a product of a man that allowed himself be controlled by everything but his brain.
As if it is not bad enough that the pregnancy is changing her body’s shape, ushering in acnes her face had always been free of, and physical pain that never seems to go away, the ache Juliet experiences digs deeper into her soul with each passing day. Just five days ago, she remembered a conversation she once had with her mum a few months before her passing, and all that the nostalgia brought was a bitter taste, instead of a sweet one.
“Mum, what do you mean when you say anything can happen to anyone? Why are we even talking about teenage pregnancy as a topic. It can never be me, so let’s talk about something else”
“Juliet, never say never. Never believe it cannot be you, because you will be shocked at the way it is you if you are not careful or intentional about how you live”
“Mum, “never say never” applies not to me, but to the mad man on the street who, despite his drug abuse as an healthy man, was so sure he would not enter the streets. Or an old woman who never thought a time would come when she would not be able to party as she used to as a lady. I have you, and I will live live the way you want me to. That will guarantee me a good life”
Now, with anger, self pity, and weakness in her bones, Juliet blames her mum for her lot. Her mum didn’t warn her enough. She kept on about how making good decisions will give her a good life.
“My mum didn’t tell me that asides decisions, life also changes a person. She never warned me that life happens, never mentioned that life can throw lemons so cruelly that I will be too weak to make lemonades from them. In the bloom of my youth, I have lived the life of an old woman. All I am now is a shadow of what I should be, unable to chase my dreams”
It hurts Juliet that the only thing she can do now is live her dreams vicariously through her unborn child.
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