Did I Really Cause This?

Waking up to see a new day is supposed to be a joy/give a sense of comfort and freshness I guess, but this was not my case. Going to bed with heavy heart and swollen eyes was a custom “is this what I planned?” “did I really cause this?”, I would always ask but there was no one to answer. Consequently, I lost my sense of belonging to the constant thoughts of suicide.

“Funke, funke!”, Jide shouted. This is the man, I planned to live with, for the rest of my existence, in happiness and prosperity. Unfortunately, anguish and distress changed the story unforeseen. I struggled out of bed in response to the distinct call approaching, while trying to put away my frustrating look. The next thing I could recall was the landing of three hot slaps on my cheeks. I received severe beating that morning. Afterwards he threw me out of the house empty.

“I wasn’t fast enough”, I blamed myself as I walked down the hot dirty street. “Before he wakes up, I should have cooked for him”, I said further, “but did I cause my infertility”, I managed to mutter as hot tears streamed down my cheeks. The agony! I was perplexed. I could see my world crashing right before my two eyes. Felt the whole world on me as I journeyed to no destination.

Jide is the best man I have ever seen in my entire life. Meeting him was a massive blessing to me. He was so good, caring, loving, mere words could not qualify his qualities. Our relationship was the best example of relationship any woman would ever think of. I smiled to myself as I reflected back forgetting my present sorrow.

Jide; my dream come true. He made me a princess without royalty. Our courtship was the best phase of my life I would always long to experience again. His proposal was the most shocking and amazing experience I have ever had. “Jide!”, I mumbled almost unconsciously.

We finally got married, a fulfilled and prosperous couple we planned to be. The first few years of our marriage was a clear manifestation of our plans, both of us ignorant of the gloomy days ahead. We soon became worried of our childlessness as years passed by. All efforts, struggles to conceive proved abortive.

As years rolled by, Jide’s attitude began to change rapidly and surprisingly. I could sense he was desperate for a child. This was where my sorrow began. I lost my value in the house. Jide changed from the perfect man I used to know to the wild beast I never prayed to live with. He began to treat me as the cause of our childlessness despite all my efforts to calm him.

“hmmm did I really cause this?”, I sighed and said to myself as I regained myself back to reality. It was late already. “how would I get a shelter tonight”, “how would I get something to feed on”, “if I decide to go to Jide’s house to plead as usual, would he accept me back this time?”. This questions filled up my mind I felt a wounded heart in me. I decided to go back to where I was thrown out; this is not the first occurrence though. Eventually, I journeyed back in total despair as I whispered to myself “did I cause this!

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