It comes and goes in waves you know, the disaster. What should I say it never goes away and am caught up in the middle of it all.

I can tell you it’s a disaster, because everything is a mess, but “a mess” is merciful in description,

I wake up to continue when I don’t want to

Tried to stop it it’s futile

I console myself everyday trying to explain to myself why I have to keep going on,

 why I have to make it to the end of the day

and after much thinking I finally come up with something good enough to convince myself I have to go on.

These days I forget why I have to go on too quickly and so there comes the stress of looking for something to make my conviction last longer and each time it takes an even longer time to convince myself and an even shorter time to forget. And so it goes…..

As I said its futile. These thoughts go through my head lying here, the end, this time I know I am not trying to convince myself for there is no point, and the very last thought even as I close my head was, it is all a disaster 

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