I knew I made a terrible mistake- one that left me on the verge of losing everything. There was no way out, however hard I looked. As much as I really wished I could turn back the hands of time, I couldn’t. As I stood with my gaze fixed to the ground, the awkward silence in the room felt threatening. I placed a hand on my tummy, suddenly aware of the fact that I was breeding a new soul. The echoes of my decision have come to haunt me. It felt awfully real and the pool of regrets started all over again.

How it all started…

The commotion began when mum caught me throwing up that morning. My frequent nausea and sluggishness had alarmed her earlier on but she waved it aside and instead, got me anti-malaria drugs, which I made sure I never took. She had warned me to take things slow with my studies as she thought I was sick because of academic stress. Pregnancy? No one could have thought about that. I remember tearing up when she exited my room. The guilt was overwhelming. My ‘sickness’ was thought to have improved because my vomiting became known to only me.

The regrets…

Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so miserable if they had actually yelled at me. I would have felt better if mum had slapped me. Maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal if I wasn’t just 18. She clearly warned me not to attend the party that night. I felt she was doing too much, so I didn’t listen. But there I was, carrying the new title of a ‘pregnant woman’. The echoes stung. It broke my heart to see dad staring at his untouched cup of tea, tracing the steam as it vanished into the air. With swollen eyes, mum sat on the floor sighing heavily at intervals. Oblivious to whatever was going on, my little brother was preoccupied with his superman stickers, grinning from ear to ear.

One moment. One decision. A lifetime of echoes.

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My heart pounding wildly in my chest was not even helping. However, there was no way I could remain calm. My once bubbly family fell into despair and sadly, I was the reason. All my life, I was always seen as someone who had a bright future. It seemed like the light had been extinguished. Completely. Mum finally looked up at me, and our eyes met. I could see it all- her frustration, her disappointment, her sadness, her confusion. Without caution, tears began to roll down my eyes.