To The Guy I lost After, Ade

Ade, I perceived it like a whiff at first. He was wearing Oud that Friday night, how did I know? How won’t I know? I have a thing for nice smell, Ade. I know you know this but on many days, it seems as though you forget things about me a lot. That day, we hadn’t talked all day because we allowed a squabble from the previous night to fester. Do you remember what started the quarrel, Ade? I jokingly said that I knew what all my friends smell like. Then you asked, including the guys at your bookclub? 

That was an obvious thing but it felt like you were looking to pick a fight with me over something small. You know this, you know that I’m friends with all the readers there. We are just a small club so it’s not hard to know everyone, plus we bond over mutual readings and perfume collections. We’ve both had a laugh over seyi’s flowery smell before. We’ve joked that we can present her as a bouquet of joke at one of our mutual friend’s wedding.

Anyway, I was surprised to perceive oud in the room when I entered. I knew it was someone new but I didn’t pay much attention to him until he came to meet me after the session. See Ade, he walked up to me with his super clean haircut. I won’t lie to you, I was impressed. You know that after a good smell, nice hair was my thing. His hairline was super clean, prim and proper cut but I didn’t compliment him. I reserved that for our usual gist time during the night. 

I wanted to tell you that he called me beautiful. The one word you always shy away from. Ade, you always held back compliments because you didn’t want me to feel myself too much but he didn’t. He didn’t hold back the words on his lips. They flowed like sweet honey. 

We had read my fav of Chimamanda, Americanah that day and he asked what I thought about the book. I didn’t launch into my full lecture mode when I’m talking about Obinze and Ifemelu, I’m sure that glint you always admired in my eye wasn’t there. I only managed to tell him that Obinze is really cute and he just chuckled.

Did you know I was reserving all my comment and thought about the book for you? but you never read it. Despite promising me more than five times to do that. 

I asked him in return what he thought about the book but he evaded the question. Like a true Yoruba demon, he turned to me to pay full attention and asked if I had a boyfriend. Ade, I had a full blown smile on my face when I told him all about you, Ade. I told him how we met at a cafe after the waiter mistook our doughnut order for each other; I eat doughnuts without jam and a lot of sugar but you only eat yours with jam, no sugar. I was annoyed at the mistake but gently you came into the scene and rescued the situation, how we met. Ade, I even told him also how you asked me out with a terrible pick line that involved jam, although I laughed terribly through it whilst saying yes, I have always thought we had a cute love story. 

He was just smiling all through my story, Ade and he still went on to ask for my number. I gave it to him because I thought there was no harm in making a new friend. After all, I knew all my fellow readers at BookHub. 

He texted me that night as I got home. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or it was just his pure luck, I got the notification as I dropped my bag on the chair in my room, the blue one. Guess what he said, “Hey beautiful, have you gotten home yet?” How was I supposed to get away from that? That was the second time he called me beautiful in one night. 

We texted into the night that day till I fell asleep because I was up waiting for your call. It became the first of many. Apparently, you were still sour over our last argument and you didn’t reply my texts. You slept safe and sound without calling me, Ade. 

I don’t blame you at all for all these, I blame myself only. I should have known from the moment I started giggling at his message and getting moody when he doesn’t reply to me fast enough on WhatsApp.

 Guess I missed it when I thought he was just a funny guy but he was already warming his way into my heart. At first, I considered him a new friend that I could vibe until you became less busy and put effort in our relationship. At this time, you were not calling again, I didn’t even know what your schedule looked like again. I complained about this and all you said was, “just a little while”. 

Apparently, I didn’t know how much patience you needed me to have but I kept up with your unusual silence and long hours at work. I started talking to him more, even beyond that, I started surprising myself. 

From calling him first, to texting a lot more, then a little flirting here and there. Before I knew it, I went from smiling at his text to turning semo in his house. How did I get here? I couldn’t help myself.

I tried telling you about this, Ade, but you said you didn’t have time for long calls. You told me to be patient for just a little while again. 

How do I stop this ship from sailing? How do I stop this butterfly that comes when I get his text? Ade, do you remember when you complimented my skin? When you said I was glowing a lot these days? He was the one who got the skincare products for me. You remember when you said I was laughing more? He was the one making me happy. 

Ade, he bought books for me and read with me. He paid attention to me Ade, and I was a fool to fall for it. I was far too along in his game to realize what he was doing to me, I had forgotten what it meant to be committed to one person. Looks like I forgot that the grass only looks greener on the side that it is being watered, just wanted to experience romance a bit more, so we went all out. 

I couldn’t keep the guilt to myself, I had to tell you Ade. For once, I had to make you listen to me and see me again, I wanted you to tell me I was only human, not a fool but I ended up breaking your heart more.

I didn’t know you were busy making our japa plans. Didn’t even have an idea that you were busy gathering my friends for a surprise proposal Ade, believe me, I didn’t know. I didn’t know the patience you asked of me was just for a little while and I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I got carried away. 

I told him Ade, I told him after we broke up and he aired my message. He didn’t stop there, he blocked me. I lost in both ways Ade. I was a fool in the game and I thought I found a treasure elsewhere. I’m so sorry. 

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