Confidence.
Pronunciation: /ˈkɒnfɪdəns/
Noun
Meaning: Self-assurance.
A feeling of certainty; firm trust or belief; faith.
You know that person that seems to breeze through life with an air of self-assurance? That person could be relatively quiet and have a firm belief in their own abilities, or be outspoken and able to share their opinions without restraint. Perhaps you have even wondered why some people just go for whatever they want without holding back. You wonder: do they not have doubts?
Maybe, when it comes to confidence, “some people just got it.”
Maybe, like talents and certain personality traits, confidence is something some are lucky to be born with, while others have to watch from the sidelines and wonder: “Why o why am I not as confident as A or B?”
Or maybe, a few times a month, a midwife looks at a neonate and exclaims, “Wow. What a confident baby this is!”
Okay. Now that sounds funny.
There are several conflicting arguments about the impact of nature and nurture on confidence. Some say that a percentage of humans are genetically predisposed to being more confident and optimistic. Some take it a step further to say that we are – oh no – “stuck” with our biological “imprint” of confidence. You either are or aren’t. Blame it on daddy and mommy.
Honestly, that sounds pretty scary. Like you are doomed to a pattern of low confidence from when you are in utero.
So, if you’re wondering why you aren’t naturally a confident person, blame it on your genes.
I’m kidding.
The good news is that there is more research backing up the fact that confidence isn’t something you’re born with. Although I agree with the fact that you may be genetically predisposed to see the glass as half-full, my opinion is that confidence, essentially, is a skill.
Oui. You heard me. Confidence is something you can develop. In the words of a wise person named ‘Anonymous’;
“No One is born confident.”
I’ll tell you why.
Have you noticed that the more you do something, the more confidence you feel about it? Take writing for example. The more you write, the better you become at writing, and consequently, the more confidence you have about your writing.
So, I believe that confidence is built by doing. (Sort of like how self-esteem is built by being, but that is an opinion for another day).
I doubt this is a theory postulated by anyone, but I’m of the firm belief that Confidence has two components: height and depth.
The Height of It
You reach the height of confidence when you know your strengths, hone your skills, and recognize your abilities. At that point, you feel good about yourself most of the time (because hey, we all have bad days). You can look in the mirror and smile and marvel at just how spectacular you are. You can do things without feeling you’ll flop because you know your stuff.
That type of confidence isn’t too difficult to have. It comes from focusing on all the ‘good’ parts: Strengths. Good traits. Skills.
It’s a wonderful feeling. A psychological high, if you may.
Reaching Deep
Now, this is another matter entirely. I don’t think many of us reach the depth of confidence. Why? Because it’s not comfortable. Not at first. It requires going beneath the surface, like a root passing through different soil layers – through dryness, clumps, rocks – before discovering a reservoir of water and nutrients below.
To reach the height of confidence, you just have to focus on your good parts. Easy, right? You get to realize how awesome you are! Amazing!
For depth, you have to see the less-than-stellar parts that add up to the whole: Flaws. Weaknesses. Insecurities. Fears. Unhealthy habits.
And guess what?
You have to accept them.
Not judge, critic, bemoan, or ignore. Accept.
Maybe you sometimes talk bad about people because deep down, you are afraid they are better than you so you want to make yourself feel superior.
Maybe you are very inconsistent, lazy and terrible with seeing things through to the end.
Or, maybe the mirror says you have an incredibly big nose anyone can spot from three miles away.
Whichever flaw it is, you’ve got to face it. True confidence isn’t covering all your less-than-awesome parts with a blanket made of your stellar qualities. Real confidence is made up of the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty. Real confidence has both height and depth.
Anyone can experience the height of confidence, but true depth requires a high level of self-awareness, courage, and self-acceptance. And, when it applies, a desire for growth.
The good news is, attaining a depth of self-confidence consequently leads to reaching new heights. Wonderful, isn’t it?
Note: Accepting your weaknesses is the first step towards working on them. Your confidence only rings true when your growth stems from self-love, not destructive self-criticism.
There you have it. My Height-and-depth theory of self-confidence. It might gain some momentum. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Anyway, what is your opinion on confidence? Feel free to share in the comments!
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