Without question, building momentum in your relationship involves diligence and timeliness. Besides, you have to constantly dig into the deepest recesses of your patience and climb formidable heights in the name of intentionality. It is a lot of work.
Previously, we had a session on how ‘communication’ could help build momentum in your relationship. This time, we discuss another angle to building healthy relationships – cultivation.
Like plants, cultivation of anything at all is not just about sowing seeds. Much more, it comprises tending, pruning and anything that leads to the common good. To growth.
Romantic relationships are not any different.
When two adults decide to be partners, it can be said that a seed is sown. However, many times, the desired result is not a low-hanging fruit.
I have always wondered, these people were so in love, why the sudden apathy? Perhaps you wonder too. Lovers soon turn strangers in only months. Even newly-weds! I mean, for people who after careful considerations(I expect) decide to become one. You’d expect the oneness to indeed be a till-death-do-us-part panacea. But who says? Many times and rather soon enough, you ask (they probably do too) – Where did all the love go?
When you are in love, a paradise is built in your imagination, sweet pretty butterflies make their abode in your belly and like 9ice sang, they can ride horse inside your stomach. Unfortunately, ephemeral things can’t be sustained in themselves. At least not for so long. Feelings are a mirage. Trained escapees. It is worse if your love was for tangible things like beauty or curves. In no time, you probably cannot find the beauty that once drove you nuts. You’ve probably seen them at their worst. Or you found someone ‘better’. The earlier emotions soon begin to subside. Like it is not already bad enough, you cannot even find a reason to continue the relationship. You then start to ask if you are a bad person.
That may not be true
This is you being human and it is normal.
But can it be helped?
Oh! Yes. If you want the situation helped!
Have you encountered love stories that stayed their course? 10 years down the line, these people are still loving their partners like the very first day? I have found some. Relatively rare, but they exist! I have wondered what the difference was. It took time, but I believe I found some answers that we could go over.
In the process of building momentum in your relationship, you need to weed a number of things out.
Anger: probably the most destructive. The is especially because there is a high likelihood of it gaining some negative ripple effects. Anger makes you spew words you wish you never said. Unfortunately, these words would always stick. Worse still, you cannot take them back. Of a truth, you may probably not be able to stop your partner from getting you angry but you have the responsibility to watch what you say at those moments. How about you take a stroll and come back to address the matter? Normally, you should have cooled off after a stroll. My advice on this is, in all you do, don’t react in anger.
Narcissism/Perfectionism: Cut your partner some slack. Listen. Understand that they are human. Goodness, you too can be wrong! So, when next you want to castigate, take a moment or two to consider the situation. How about you ask questions instead of ranting about your thoughts? Many times, those questions could jerk your partner to a realization. But don’t be a narcissist!
Selfishness: You are a team now and it is backwards to consider only yourself. Make decisions together. It makes the work easier. In the end, your partner thinks and believes that he/she is important. It is a win-win for both parties.
Like legumes, you should decide on what can help build momentum in your relationship:
Tolerance: Your partner will not always be perfect. Hence, you will have to learn patience. This does not stop you from communicating your thoughts. Rather, it makes you do so with love.
Fan the Embers to Flame: The early lovey-doveyness will be gone in no time. But you can decide to fan the embers into flame again. Buy gifts. Help around. Many times, this becomes easier when you decide that you will be committed to your relationship come what may.
Choose your partner: Be their greatest cheerleader. Make them your person at all times. Make the decision early enough that it will be you and yours against the world.
Respect: Show that their decisions matter. Respect their feelings. Value what they value. Look out for them. It is really in the little things.
Concerning building momentum in your relationship, it does not take much to see results. Just doing things that make you a better person would suffice. And let me add on a final note that these things are not limited to your romantic relationships.
Enjoyed this? Check out other relationship-themed pieces here.