It is inherent in us to be generous towards people who can’t get over someone. Maybe, it happened a year ago, but still, the Ex’s thoughts remain loyal to every detail of the story. Perhaps, they have moved to another country, they’ve married someone else. Maybe, they are dead. Generally, heartbreak stories are interestingly addictive and attractively sad.
Weirdly, this sort of unrequited dedication is so often celebrated in literature and society generally. It may seem adorable and loving but, devotion to an unrequited situation is cleverly ensuring that we won’t end up in a relationship at all. It’s hoping that we won’t ever need to suffer the realities of love.
Maybe we are regularly hopelessly drunk in a city bar because of the miseries of our hearts, or we routinely cry to the comforting ears of dear friends to assuage the extraordinary discomforts we are feeling. Fixation on an absent other allows us to be publicly devoted to love while privately sheltered and shielded from any of its more tiring demands.
The incredible pain and agonising feeling that come with loving someone unrequitedly are perfectly understandable. We are biological creatures with a powerful appetite for love. So, it becomes pretty abnormal and difficult to adapt to, when we offer a certain degree of our affections and romantically get it back initially, but in the long run, get absolutely nothing back in return.
Occurrences like this, which are normally prevalent in our lives, tend to make us squeamish around hope, develop hate for self-revelation because we are tired of letting anyone into the secret parts of ourselves. We could end up hating ourselves to the point where loving someone else becomes an aberration to our existence.
So, most people prefer to keep the spotlight on the unresponsive ex rather than come to the recognition of how drastically their ideas have changed about love.
Instead of hating, you can gradually unfixate by taking serious and specific steps to find out what the attraction was based on. That way, we come to see that the qualities we admired in the ex must necessarily exist in other people who don’t have the set of problems that made the original relationship impossible.
The liberating move is to simply open your eyes and see that what we want has to prevail in places beyond the pain-inducing character with whom we originally identified love.
True love isn’t synonymous with pining or lusting for an absent figure. It means daring to engage with truly frightening prospects, that even true love can be temporary and blissfully painful. Forever is never guaranteed, and all we can really do is love passionately while it lasts.