Marriage: Lifelong Commitment vs Arrangement of Convenience.

Every market day on Twitter (now X), there’s always a debate on relationships, gender roles and situations surrounding these topics.

Well, I decided to weigh in on marriage and relationships today.

Should marriage be a lifelong commitment or an arrangement of convenience? Should you approach marriage with a mindset that you will stick around no matter what happens, or that you can check out if there are challenges? I’ll tell you what I think later.

But first, listening to stories from my mum and dad about their polygamous family upbringing helped me understand the cycle of change that has happened in marriages – primarily Nigerian marriages.

Our grandfathers and grandmothers were okay with sharing their partners with multiple people in a polygamous marriage and they still stayed regardless. Our parents mainly chose a monogamous marriage style, and many are staying. But nowadays, the divorce rate is high, and the marriage bond is not even as strong as a baby’s grip.

People have argued that viewing marriage as a lifelong commitment has helped couples to build dedication, commitment and perseverance. Or better still, they approach marriage with a willingness to work through challenges together, communicate better, and create an enabling environment for raising children.

Also, couples who view marriage as a lifelong commitment help each other grow. They invest in each other’s growth and teach each other some virtues that may be lacking in their upbringing.

On the other hand, people who believe marriage should be a personal choice acknowledge that relationships can have irreparable conflicts. These conflicts may be subtle, like irreconcilable personality differences. And these conflicts are enough reasons to end the marriage. They also believe that both partners should enjoy their union.

Marginalisation, emotional abuse, and not achieving personal goals have characterised lifelong marriages. These issues make couples endure their marriages instead of enjoying them. They, therefore, think that unhappy marriages ought to be dissolved.

They also acknowledge that people can change. A loving, sweet husband can become something opposite over the years. And so, marriages end just because a partner has changed over the years.

What are my thoughts?

Well, I believe in lifelong marriages. Beautiful marriages can exist for a long time. Couples can love each other and enjoy their marriages. Many examples abound. Look around you; you can see them. They’re in the church, mosques, and on social media.

However, you should choose yourself first. Relationships that are underwhelming your potential and constantly putting you in harm’s way or have you doubting yourself should be terminated.

You have a short time to live, so why allow relationships or marriage to shorten your lifespan? Live life and enjoy!

What do you think?

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