Maybe they don’t like you because you’re too nice…

It’s natural to imagine that the most needed and sought for virtues in any relationship would be niceness and politeness. They are respectable attributes, imperative ones for most areas of life. But there is a subtle danger lurking here. A relationship where anyone is unnecessarily polite could result in situations where things go wrong. Not because of a lack of compassion or peace, but simply because of the irritating excess of manners.

The reason sometimes is not because we want to. We do so because of the consequences of our psychological conditioning as children. For most parts of our childhood, disappointments and resentments were detested and forced down quietly our throats. The discipline and volatility of our parents mentally induced us to detest venting out about our honest and disconcerting feelings.

We grew up nice and good but also prone to being in this constant mood. We are inherently convinced that it is a fundamental flaw to allow anyone to see us legitimately furious and still love us. A certain cloying amount of politeness can be the enemy of love if we are not careful.

We cannot be in a genuine relationship and, many times, ignore many of our reservations. Love only becomes real when our feelings are true.

It is pretty normal to get angry when the need arises. Daring to unloose your annoyance and irritation without the sometimes, huge, and valuable inhibitions expresses something. It means we are kind enough to be sincere about our feelings, and we care about the growth of the relationship.

Furthermore, it implies that we can properly understand that it’s OK to hate something when we hate and to love when it’s time to love.

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