What is loss like?

“Julian has just lost her mom some weeks back and she’s presently so clueless, unable to get over this saddening occurrence but Bimbo confronted by a similar tragedy, went partying exactly two weeks after.”

Does it surprise us at all or even spark our curiosity as to how people manage and make do with life after significant loss(es)?

The above cases depict how differently people get over losses, also how quickly that may be. Not everyone would lay back, get engrossed in thoughts, walking themselves down the memory lane apparently. While we might think others don’t, the contrast lies in how quickly they find a balancing ground within themselves.

It is easy to come at someone who has found a plane for settlement of this different thrust of realities as heartless — someone like Bimbo — after all, that’s the way some African cultures view this but really, it appears not to be.

Getting over an unprecedented loss especially when it happens to a loved one no doubt weighs pretty heavily and the ideal society expecting such persons to keep up with the mournful look for however long it may deem, has over time placed standards that are really unnecessary into things.

African societal setting has had a hefty influence on the way a number of us see things and with the progression of living comes the sprawl of these ideologies. In some cultures, people like this are called witches and sometimes become primal suspects for this sullen befall. Just like one of Chimamanda Adiche’s words, “Our cultures cling to us, we are shaped by where we come from.” We are responsible, however, for whatever influence we receive and hopefully with time, comes the ostracising of these hideous beliefs.

Drifting now from the typical African view, and also with an inclination not directed solely to the family or loved one loss, it’s agreeable to say losses weigh differently. This can as well translate to how varying the importance of people and things are to one another. We, in our day to day lives, meet with new people, travel to new places, make use of new appliances and all and with respect to each person are different degrees of emotional attachment to these things. The reason some might get over losses very quickly might be perhaps because they aren’t really so fond of such people or things.

As blithe as it may sound, some just feel the hit momentarily and with time comes the healing as a result of their partial emotional attachment. This particularly in fact mostly tells the difference between how people handle their losses and move on with life in the end. It also clearly doesn’t translate to strength in whatever capacity that is gauged.

While we can’t blame anyone, faulting the degrees of their emotional attachment since we, as a function of our peculiar characteristics, all like and love differently. It’s important not to tag them, especially with demeaning words when they are caught up in these occurrences particularly regarding how swift their recovery is.

Furthermore, comparing strength and emotional intelligence. Strength as it’s described especially when it comes to emotions applies also, differently. It’s not a function of stoutness, braveness or how cowardly one appears this time. It differs entirely with people when it comes to emotions. Regardless of how fierce a man might appear, such most likely would tear down at the unintentional tea-spill-ruin of his two-thousand-dollar suit not to talk of losing a son or wife. Hence emotional intelligence is another point to consider when trying to shove it on people’s faces what happens to be a graceful lull of their grieves.

Finally, time. Time, as we can attest, never falters in helping to find a balance with these things. As it’s said, “Just give it time.” Many have had a number of such occurrences in their lifetime that any more isn’t enough for a significant wrinkle or tear. They instead comport themselves during these sad times and just let it pass. However, somehow, some people develop strength for such stances over time. This, of course, coming with its variants also.

The road to recovery is obviously a bumpy one and also a difficult one at that. Even though some people might not wear the sorrowful look, they still feel, deeply, the hurt and it’s humane to be understanding enough to either keep distance when we remain of no help than rather pull down their being by profiling them based on our mortal standards as to how quickly they “mask” their loss.

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