Some couples never appear to argue. A high level of outward civility characterizes their relationships. So, it rather shocks them when they hear of conflict in someone else’s life.
It is reasonable if the absence of fight satisfies each of them. However, there are few times when surface harmony isn’t a trustworthy indicator of love’s health. It is difficult to try to blend two lives without running against profound causes of compatibility frequently.
A lack of disagreements might sometimes just mean that we’ve given up on caring rather than a superhuman level of maturity.
So, the idea is not to eliminate disagreements but to develop a fruitful range of ways to engage in them. What are some of the concepts that can help us have better arguments?
The single most powerful notion for helping us dispute more productively is to publicly remind ourselves that we are, by nature, very flawed.
The most known objection to reasonable disputes and mature quarrels in relationships is self-righteousness.
Self-righteousness is the belief that we are beyond reproach. It is the mental preconception that our opponent must be either evil for making a mistake or unduly critical in accusing us of making one. It’s a huge help if we can build relationships on the assumption that both parties are psychologically shaky and faulty in various ways. We become monsters because we have an unspoken belief in our perfection.
Secondly, people do not relinquish points when strongly told that they are incorrect but only when they sense that they are adored. When we are afraid and believe the person questioning us hates us, wants to harm us, or can never forgive us, we become stubborn and suppress the truth. It is crucial to accompany every critique with a promise of continued affection. People change slowly and only seldom when they are pressured into the act of doing so.
Finally, we must work hard to avoid becoming anxious for change from our partners. We must accept the fact that they will not evolve in the time frame that we desire. To find one or two grounds for optimism, we should be pessimistic about human nature.
We should not add to our dissatisfaction by believing that we are the only ones who have ended up in this situation. Of course, they may be bothersome at times. But everyone in the world would be just as difficult, if not more. The reasons for our vexing conflict may be local. But a reassuring fact is that, it is a universal tragedy, and we are not alone.
For poems on love, kindly check, To Love Is to Lose A Part of Me (Poem)
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