to grieve, but to live

A man may remain in a state of grief for a long time, but he will eventually grow out of it.

Chigozie Obioma

Grief is a despicable thing. It eats us from the inside out. From the deep pains and emotional trauma, it takes the form of eyebags, sore throats, and running noses. Grief makes a fool of us. It makes us miserable. It makes us feel hopeless. But how does one battle a thing that fights us from the inside?

It is well known that the cause of grief is relative. It tags along with the loss of things we hold dear—things we thought we would never lose. That’s why it is quite disheartening that, often, we are quick to hurl insults at friends who weep at things that we consider trivial.

We are quick to say the words, “suicide is not an option. Nothing is worth your life.” But in the very actuality of it, suicide is an option. It’s just that it shouldn’t be anyone’s choice. No one wants to die, and no one should have to take their life. But they do, they do because amidst all of the “numerous options” humans give them, suicide, somehow, has the most appeal.

I remember a time in my life, my early years, when I was doing a particular course. As a medical student, failure is almost certainly a repeat or a resit. The exams were hellish. The thought that I would pass was non-existent. Thoughts would rumble in my mind. What if I get an F? What if I fail? I couldn’t bear it. My mum, what would she say? How do I —What should I—?

With all of these questions, suicide was so appealing to me. To live was a dreadful place I couldn’t bear to face. At least, I knew what happens with death. But my life would literally be hell if I continued living. In the end, my results came out, and I passed.

At that moment of staring at my portal, I had an epiphany and understanding of others that were like me. Others that weren’t so lucky to pass, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, of others who were more impatient.

Grief doesn’t take reason from us. We don’t become dumb, flat out stupid with grief. Instead, we are more burdened with thoughts. It is like a hell hole in our heads. The will to live and the will to let go in a fierce battle. So yes, it is hard. Grief brings out the worst in us, but it shouldn’t. Hope is still in existence.

As long as there is a will, there is a way. Remember the opening quote? Yes, time does heal a big part of our heavy hearts. Reach out to friends that would listen to you cry, talk, and say your mind out. You deserve life—no matter what grief might say to you. Your death isn’t solving the problem. It is running away from it—infinitely.

Remember those dreams you had. Remember those times when life wasn’t so sad, when you smiled, laughed. Death ends all of that. It destroys all of hope. Trust me, the solution is here and not there, and you have to hold on to hope and the will to search for it. Who knows? It might just be around the corner. So, wait a little longer, clinging to hope.

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